<Begin Segment 34>

VY: I'm wondering what your relationship with your parents was like during this time or as a young adult, and as time progressed?

MM: Well, I think growing up, I was very... I loved my parents, but there was a point in my life when I didn't love my mom so much. I always loved my dad because he was very, he never really got mad at me except one time he slapped me across the face, and I think it was because I had been talking back to my mother. And it was the one time he did something, and it hurt so badly. He just slapped me right across the face, I never talked back to him again. I mean, he never did that again; he must have felt bad. Either that, or I didn't do it in front of him, I don't know which it was. [Laughs] Because it hurt really badly, and I guess he used to spank me when I was little. And with Shoji, my mom -- I don't remember this -- but my mom would say Shoji would come to my rescue and get on my dad's back and tell him to quit hitting me. [Laughs] So I appreciate Shoji for that reason.

VY: Shoji was always there. He protected you from your dad, he protected you from your, those other kids when you were little.

MM: Yeah. And he was always good to females. Not so much to guys, I mean, like he and your dad used to get in fights. I mean, I didn't know that. They used to have their fun times, too, and they'd leave me out of it, because I was at home. Actually, my brother had a thing about me and my violin, and causing all this trouble. But yeah, I think my parents and I had a good relationship until I started talking back. And I sometimes kind of wish that they would just thank me and leave me alone with, you know, I didn't want to hear all their blabbing about things that I should know. Okay, so I think it was late high school, I started having some of my own ideas. But they were both working so hard that I really didn't talk to them a lot. I kept a lot of things to myself, but it was in college that my mom, I remember one time she said that she almost wished that I didn't go to college because I was so smart-alecky, I mean, I would just come back with these retorts that she didn't want somebody taking back to her when she was just looking out for me. But I felt like I was, there was too much influence on their part, and wouldn't let me become independent. So I stayed out at school a lot, and I was there at the U from early in the morning 'til late at night. And so in that way, I didn't really get to know my mom as well. And I got to start knowing her more when she actually, when I was much older and she needed my help. Like I said, she quit driving when she was sixty-five or something. She was near there. She had breast cancer, and I remember taking her to her appointments. And one of the deals we made was that if she got rid of her car -- because I was worried about her driving -- so I said, "Well, I'll drive you to get groceries every weekend." So I took her grocery shopping every Saturday, and we got a lot of talking in during that time when I was driving her. So that was really good, and so our relationship was much better. But you know, they were so mad at me when I got divorced from my first husband. Well, and before that, when I was trying to assert my independence. [Laughs] But they were really glad because it was because of my mom and this person I called Baachan, that I even got together with Nori, because I don't know if I told you it was sort of arranged almost. Do you know about this? Oh, okay.

Well, the way I met him was I met his father first, it was at a funeral. So Jim always likes to tell everybody, "Oh, my mom and dad met at a funeral." Well, not really. I met the father at a dinner, because the Japanese usually will do a dinner after a funeral. And I was sitting across from Nori's dad, and he liked me. He asked me if I knew Nori, and I said, "No." Do I know Aki, his brother? I said no, and they went to Garfield. I didn't go to Garfield, I went to Franklin. And so then, next thing I know, I don't know if it was a month later or a few months later or whatever, my mom says, "Well, do you want to go on a blind date?" And I said, "Well, not really, especially one that my mom's doing." [Laughs] So she told me the whole story. She and Nori's dad had gotten together, decided that we should meet each other. So they had a mutual friend where this mutual friend would have a dinner where I would meet Nori. And I said I would, and he said he would. Because, first of all, I said I would go just to appease my mom, because I was dating somebody that she didn't like. She really hated him. He was white, and I don't think it was because of that, I think it was because he didn't go to university, I mean, he was driving a bus. And that's where, actually, my brother got me in trouble because I asked him not to tell my mom that I snuck out with this guy. [Laughs] Oh, man, she got mad at me, not at my brother. Anyway, so I said I would go meet Nori because he was Japanese, and he said, "Oh, yeah, I can do one date." And same with Nori, his parents wanted him to meet a Japanese girl, because he was dating some white girl. So, okay, well, the minute I saw him I knew I was going to marry him. I mean, it was the weirdest thing, because there was something about him that just, like, oh my god, this is the person, right? And I had all this negative stuff going on before about, you know, I didn't really want to do this. Anyway, that's how we got together.

VY: That's so interesting. Do you think that the fact that your parents, especially your mom, really wanted you to marry him, played into some of the, you said they were really upset with you when you finally, when you did get divorced.

MM: No, they liked him, so I'm sure that played a part in it. But I think that the reason they were upset is just a cultural thing. I was going to be the only one in the family who was going to be divorced, and what kind of awful thing it'll be to be the first person in the family to get a divorce. So it was, I think it was a cultural thing.

VY: Understood.

<End Segment 34> - Copyright © 2024 Densho. All Rights Reserved.