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Title: Misa (Oiye) Mihara Interview
Narrator: Misa (Oiye) Mihara
Interviewers: Virginia Yamada (primary); Caitlin Oiye Coon (secondary)
Location: Seattle, Washington
Date: July 26, 2024
Densho ID: ddr-densho-1000-547-32

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VY: Okay. So now we're just going to touch a little bit on your next part of your life, or this particular progression of your life. Were you ever married, and if so, who were you married to, and did you have any children?

MM: I was married when I was twenty to my first husband, Nori Mihara, who was going to school at the time. He was getting his master's, and I was a junior at the university, and he was great. I knew the minute I met him that I was going to marry him. So it was great, he's the father of my son. [Interruption] You know, it was during the sexual revolution that we were married, and I think that had something to do with our falling apart, kind of, because all his friends were not married. He was the only one, and he was the only one with a child until his best friend had a child, but then they got divorced. So their child and my son are really good friends now. They're like brother and sister, practically, because of the situation. And it wasn't just our immediate situation, it was the entire, I don't know if it was the world, but it was during the Vietnam War, there was all sorts of stuff going on. So I hate to say it, but it was an awakening period for a lot of people, but for me, it was like, no, this is not good. I don't like the sexual revolution, it was not good. It was women trying out different things. I don't want to get into it, it's not, you know, very nice. And so it worked out, however it worked out, it worked out. I mean, so that was that. We were married, I think, about (ten and a half) years, I can't remember exactly. Anyway, so that was my first husband, and I still speak to him. When you have a child with somebody, you never really lose touch with the father.

My second marriage was a total dud, and the reason I married him were totally different from my first husband. I mean, I was really in love with my first husband. My second husband, not so much. But the reason I didn't want to be in love so much was because it was such a heartbreak when you do get divorced. I think I cried for a couple of years after my first husband. But when I talked to my neighbors, Dick and Jane, who had been married sixteen years at that point. I said, "How is it that you guys have stayed married so long?" And they said, "Well," Dick said, he asked Jane, "Why do you want to get married? What's the main reason?" "Companionship." And he said, "You know, I don't ever want to get married for, just because you're really obsessed with somebody or in love or something, because then you're in for a heartbreak if it doesn't work out," or something like that. So I thought, well, that's a good idea, because it was such a traumatic experience for me when I got my first divorce. I was the only one in my family, my parents were totally upset. And I don't know if anybody else was, but I was totally upset, actually, myself, for two years. [Interruption] And this was the sexual revolution, right? Women were calling him up. They would say they wanted to... they would talk to me and say they wanted to talk to Nori. They wanted to invite him over for dinner, but not me, and all sorts of weird things that I was not used to, and I didn't think was right. I mean, I still have these ideals that when you're married, you do things a certain way. And one of them was not to go out with other people.

[Interruption]

So my second marriage, it was just a mistake. I can't be married to somebody that I'm not totally in love with, or have some passion for. Because then little things annoy you, and then, well, there were some things I found out about him that I didn't realize afterwards. But it was Jim and Holly who clued me in to the certain facts that I didn't realize about him. And so that was my second marriage, and it was so different from my first. My first, I just cried. I mean, I wanted to call him back and say, "Let's get together," but then he was already with somebody else. But my second husband, it was like, "Hey, I've had this rock lifted off my shoulder." So it's not exactly his fault, it's not exactly my fault, we just never should have gotten together. And so that was good. And then the third -- I don't want to speak ill of him, because he's already died -- did you know that Jerry died?

CC: Oh, Jerry? No.

MM: Yeah, okay. Anyway, so my third husband, he was fun, and he was way younger than I was, and I didn't think I was ever going to get married again, but when you fall in love, if they propose, you say, "Yes." [Laughs] But this is another thing. When I got really sick from breast cancer and stuff, he couldn't handle it because he was too young. We didn't have enough of a history, I think. And I still talked to him, and he's remarried, and three of us get along really well. I'd go over for dinner, they'd come over for dinner. So it's really nice that the three of us can get together and get along.

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