Densho Digital Archive - Yukiko Miyake Interview (denshovh-myukiko-01-0003)

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SY: You know, we were talking about how you mentioned your life had changed so much when your daughter died, and then it changed a lot very much again when you lost your eyesight. Can you tell me about those two moments?

YM: When my daughter died, I think my whole world collapsed. It felt, I felt that everything -- when my daughter died, I felt that there was nothing there for me. And at the same time I got sick and maybe that was good for me. I don't know. But I was in bed most of the time, and then Reverend Ichikawa of the church used to come and talk to me once a week, and he used to chant the Sutra. That was more because of Kako, but at the same time he was talking to me. "You mustn't give up. You must keep on living," but I thought Reverend Ichikawa, but I thought oh, phooey. [Laughs] My whole world had disappeared, but Grace McLeod made me join the research committee at the church, and then she made me become a teacher. Reverend Ichikawa had a lot to do with it, and I found that life gradually started taking, was becoming more livable.

SY: Did you learn much more about life through Buddhism?

YM: Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. I think I did. Because before that I took too much for granted. I thought everybody's life was just happiness, and we went dancing, we went to church; but at the church, we were dancing and... we had parties and things like that.

SY: What do you think is the strength you found in Buddhism?

YM: Well, I think I'll tell you. This morning while I was waiting for you, I went to say good morning to the other patients in [Inaudible]. And I said I got impatient because I thought -- well, I came to say good morning and then I got impatient so I'm taking my -- I take a walk every time -- and she says, "Patience is virtue." And I says, "Well, I don't know." But we three are in the same position. These two people have suffered a stroke, and I thought, well, I'm luckier than they are because one lady is really, really becoming quite forgetful; and the other lady can't walk as well as I can, but their attitude toward life is different, but then they are Catholics. Both of them, I think, are Catholic.

SY: What's the attitude like? What's the difference in attitude between let's say...

YM: Because they always end up by saying, "God will take care of us."

SY: Uh-huh. And what's your attitude?

YM: But in Buddhism we never say God will take care of us. We never say, Shakamuni (will help us). We just say, "Namu Amida butsu." That means thank you for everything, and I think this is just my way of thinking. I think it's the way we think. For me, Buddhism is thank you. We are grateful for each day and I think that's the way.

SY: So the difference in some ways is that in Buddhism you're taking each day with gratitude, whereas what you think is another way is people are thinking someone will take care of them in the end? I see.

YM: But I could be wrong.

SY: Sure.

YM: But that's the way I feel because they always end up by saying God will take care of you, but I never say that. I never say. I always say, well, we take each day as it comes.

SY: So in Buddhism you practice finding gratitude in each day; is that correct? So did that really help you through these hardships when you lost your daughter and when you lost your sight? So when you think about that, what would you say is your most grateful for, every day?

YM: Every day? That I'm still alive. Because I was not grateful that I was alive. I felt oh, heck. I have a little shrine in my room, and I used to say oh, God, I'm still living. I think I even told my doctor that you can die when you want to. You just keep on living and she said yes, and that's true. We have to accept each day for what it is, but I find in my -- well, in my gratefulness and thankfulness I find that I have become more interested in things, like haiku. I have become interested in poems, and I am more interested in what happens to other people.