<Begin Segment 22>

SY: You're a role model. I'm just thinking, what is it that -- because we're probably going to be closing soon, but would you wish your life for your children or would you, what is it that you would want for them?

TF: I would like them just to be happy. And it's not... what is happiness? It's not, as some people think, "Oh, if I have money," or, "If I have fame." I think if you could just kind of be satisfied with yourself and be not disappointed in yourself. So you know some of the lessons I learned like from my sister, that early thing about, "Don't try to buy and get away with the fact you're getting a cheaper ticket and cheating the company out of a few dollars." I want to make sure that I'm not disappointed with myself. Maybe I pursue the pleasure part of life too much in some of the things I want to do. I try to do what I feel I should do. I mean, I try to see my husband every day, to spend, maybe if I'm going to be busy all day, go early in the morning, go late at night or come somewhere in between. But also to treat myself the way I would tell a friend. And so maybe I try to talk to myself like I would talk to a friend. "You have to, I want you to be happy. I want you to do something for you. I think you would make my mother happy, if I'm happy." 'Cause when my daughter does something where she's going somewhere or my son is nice to her, I find, oh, my god, I'm so happy. If she would just tell me the happy parts of her life. It's not all happy; there's always discord in a family, and there's discord in my family at the moment. You know, I just, I can't dwell on that. I can only, you got to take one step at a time and you can't do everything. After someone's an adult, you've got to let them live their life the way they want.

SY: You know what I find that's so wonderful about you is that you're willing to share your life in its totality. You don't just talk about the good things, you're willing to talk about the difficult things as well.

TF: Well, the difficult thing, one of the things I told you, when the children, you see an unhappy relationship, and I think my children are paying for that. So when my son keeps getting married and divorced, and whatever a woman wants, he's trying so hard to fit in, and I said, "You've got to find out who you are. Learn to spend time with yourself." He didn't want to live alone, he always wanted to be with someone. I said, "But if you could just find out who you are..." and my youngest one was always getting into disastrous relationships, and she was not herself, she couldn't... when she couldn't talk, she didn't have a voice, I knew that wasn't the right person. And this man she's with now, he's made her blossom. I mean, she never cooked because the older one was always a good cook and just never made her feel she could be a cook, too. And so now she's cooking all these things and I think, "Oh, my goodness." 'Cause my husband would always criticize every single thing I cooked, my first husband, and that's why I didn't want to cook for a long time. Now I see she's blossoming, and when she's happy, I find that gives me such a happiness. And then when she's unhappy, she doesn't... now, I never told my parents when I was having problems. I don't think most Niseis went to their parents and said, "This is happening, that's happening." Because you saw your parents had so many problems on their own, they can't do anything. And yet my older one kept trying to, you know, sometimes tell me things or negative things and I said, "Please, you are in your fifties. You have to solve it with your sister or yourself, I don't want to hear negative things, I don't want to take sides, 'cause then I may take a side, so don't tell me. Just solve it without me. I have enough things on my own." So nothing is all wonderful, it doesn't all come together, and hopefully in time it will, but you can't rush it and you can't...

SY: And do you think that they have learned from you? Do you think that your life has been...

TF: I don't know. I don't think so. I don't think so because I don't think... my children are my children, and I don't know that they see me in the same way. What I appreciate is that the younger one doesn't want me to... she really tries to know that I'm happy, and I see that. And she shields me if she's got some problems. It's what I would have done for my parents, I suppose. All of the happy, when they're happy, I'm happy. So I think parents on the whole take great pleasure from that. If I could get a job and help take care of some of the big burdens that we have now as a job, first of all I love working, so that would be wonderful.

SY: Yeah, but that's a very generous spirit thing, too, because coming, you know, having gone through the life that you've gone through and coming to this place you are now, it's really...

TF: Well, I'm glad I'm here, 'cause otherwise, if you don't adjust your thinking, you could be miserable. And I've said to my children, "When it comes, if you see that I don't know what I'm saying or doing," I don't want their lives to be, I don't want them to have guilt, "But please, when I'm in my sane, right mind, I want you to know it's okay. Put me somewhere that I will be taken care of, but I don't want you to feel you have to physically come and look after me and disrupt your life, because that's not going to make me happy." I may not be able to verbalize it at the time, but I know that it's disruptive.

SY: That's great. Well, I mean, it's great that you have made all the adjustments that you've made in your life and come to a place where... I feel as if you're at a place of peace.

TF: In many, in some ways, yes, pretty much.

SY: I mean, your life now, you feel pretty comfortable.

TF: Pretty comfortable if I knew I didn't have to rob Peter to pay Paul all the time, you know?

SY: [Laughs] Yeah, really. But still, it's a wonderful life, and I really appreciate your sharing it with all of us. It's a terrific life.

TF: Well, thank you.

SY: So thanks very much. I think we're gonna close now.

<End Segment 22> - Copyright © 2011 Densho. All Rights Reserved.