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SY: And it's interesting because you talk about life experience and how that helps you in every role, but when you think about how difficult your life experience has been, really, being in camp had an amazing effect on you, I'm sure, do you think that that has really helped you? Or because when you think about it, how many Nisei who were in camp have gone into acting or into the theater?

TF: They haven't, but you know...

SY: What is it that makes you different? What is it that... what do you think it is?

TF: Well, when you say I'm different, what do you mean?

SY: Well, that you have made this career choice, that you have felt this connection to the theater, to acting, to film.

TF: I just think that I am so fortunate that I have a passion for something. I find that a lot of tough things happen in life. I've had a lot of difficult things, I've had a lot of times I've felt so low. But no one, there is no miracle that comes down and makes everything better for you. I've discovered it has to come from within. You have got to, you have got to decide. I'm going to try to make it better. I'm going to try to find some enjoyment, I'm going to... you can't just wallow in your misery. I think attitude is so important. And there are days, there have been times when I feel like I just want to be miserable. And then you know what? I find, okay, if I'm so tired and I want to be miserable and I want to be left alone, I would say to my husband, in those days especially when I was getting the cramps and my period, it's just those low days. I'd say, "You know, it has nothing to do with you. Just kind of leave me alone today, I need time to be by myself."

And I may want to -- but now, since I've passed that period a long time ago, I find... especially with what I'm going through with my husband and seeing someone that you loved is dying by inches in a different way. He's no longer the person I knew, but he's still a very good person. The shell is still there. And at first I remember people saying to me, "Well, you have to take care of yourself because caregivers die first." And I didn't really understand it, and then after I while I thought, "Oh, now I get it." The reason they die first is 'cause they want to. [Laughs] That's a little Japanese humor, my own humor. So I have got to make, I have got to decide, okay, I can't give up everything just to do that. I'm going to hang on to the things that make me happy. I may not go out, I don't need another dress, I don't need another shoe, I don't need a piece of jewelry. Once in a while I succumb and I want something, so then I go ahead and get it and I think, okay, fine. But I don't give up my theater tickets, I'm going to go to the movies, and if I want to have a good meal, like New Year's Eve, I took myself and I thought, you know, I could feel miserable 'cause I don't have anyone to go with, I don't have a party, and then I thought, "Do I really want to drive to some party where someone's saying, 'Come with us so you're not alone'?" I thought, "No, I'm gonna have a good time by myself. I love to eat, and I took myself to this little Japanese restaurant, I had the top of the line omakase, and I sat in the corner and I think the owner was worried 'cause I kept overeating, overeating, and kept asking periodically, "Are you okay, are you okay?" And then I think they gave me more than they ordinarily would give. But it was a state of mind. I decided, okay, I'm going to enjoy it, I 'mmed by myself, and it's better to 'mm with a friend. Ordinarily I don't like to eat alone, but I knew that this was -- and I thought, it's the end of the year, it's been a hard year, I'm going to look forward to a better life, better year. It hasn't been a better year, it's been a worse year. But, you know, you can't give up all that. And I was fine until I got into the car, and then I found I couldn't sit up. I'd eaten so much, I was trying to get the bend, you know, so that I could come up and sit up. I had to drive all the way home, and I was laughing to myself. But I know that that had to do with a state of mind that I said, okay, I'm going to have a good time by myself.

SY: That's wonderful, Takayo.

<End Segment 21> - Copyright © 2011 Densho. All Rights Reserved.