<Begin Segment 30>

LH: So during the time when you were in school, all the way up from elementary to high school, you wanted to be as American as possible? And, now when did you start to feel uncomfortable... well, when did you feel like you wanted to learn more about being Japanese or being Japanese American?

FK: Oh gosh. Well, let me go back to my high school time too again. I remember going to dances and asking certain girls if they would dance, and they'd say no. And I remember, or offering people rides and them telling me no. And I'm going, "Oh, there must be something wrong with me that they're saying no." And, and at the same time, I remember I took the senior class president to the Senior Ball who was, and she was Caucasian and she was a very special person. And she still is, I mean, I still know her and stuff but she was a very special person. But I couldn't say to myself at that time, that it's possible that they weren't, that they didn't want to go anywhere with, didn't want, didn't want me to give them a ride, or didn't want to dance with me because of the, because I was Japanese. I mean there was no way I could say that.

And I guess when I got to college, certain things would happen to me that they made me very aware that here, I was in a, a situation where it wasn't the same as on Bainbridge. I mean the same things could have been happening on Bainbridge, but no one would overtly would say things. But I remember one of my college friends, Caucasian friends, in the dorms being really upset one day because he saw this Japanese guy studying at the library with this Caucasian girl. And the first thing, that came out of his mouth was, "I bet he's screwing her." And I said to myself... and then my other friend, Ed Picket who was another Caucasian friend who's passed away said, "Sid, that's stupid. Why could you say a stupid thing like that?" He said, "What if that Japanese guy was Frank?" And Sid said, "Well, that would be different 'cause I know Frank." You see, but the same, immediately the light bulb that lit in my (mind) was, you know, people who don't know me, who just look at me can think a certain way about me just because of the way I look.

And then, and then, I remember going to a lab school in Pacific Grove because we, I was working with the University Congregational Church at that time with youth groups and they sent us off to lab school for a week for training. And I remember, a Caucasian woman coming up to me after the camp and saying, "You know, this is the first time I've ever spent any significant time with anybody who's Japanese and you know, you're just like everybody else." And it floored me, not because, particularly, that she said that, but then I realized that I spent this whole week in camp, at this lab camp, and I'd forgotten I was Japanese. I didn't realize that I was Japanese, until she said to me, exactly what she said. And then it became obvious for I, that God, I can try to be as white as I can, but there was no way I was going to make it.

LH: Well it's interesting, were you trying to be as white as you could be?

FK: Oh, I think so. You know, 'cause I, 'cause it was, there was no way I was interested in my Japanese background... there was no way of... and I wanted to be... fit in. And I wanted to be popular, and it seemed up to then, that I was doing a pretty good job of it.

LH: So...

FK: But then it became more obvious after a while, that no matter what I did, I wouldn't be seen, I'd always be seen as a Japanese person. And that didn't make me feel very good. So I, so I since then I knew that I needed to find out more about myself and my background, in order for me to feel more comfortable with myself, because that is what was making it difficult for me.

<End Segment 30> - Copyright © 1998 Densho. All Rights Reserved.