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JG: So when you entered the business, there were clearly these challenges that you faced. I mean, there was kind of a, a transition that occurred from being at USC and enjoying your time there and then entering into the, to the day. What were some of the things that you found surprising when you started working at the mortuary?

GF: Well, I think being twenty-one years old, coming out of college, you are quite coddled and you are quite spoiled. I guess that's why call it "University for Spoiled Children." And so I remember I was in sports law. We were playing, we used to play volleyball a lot, we would go camping a lot, we'd go fishing, we'd be doing a lot of things, and then all of a sudden here I am working at the mortuary. And because of the, the involvement and the dedication you have to put into it, I found that that was a very difficult thing to adjust to. And one thing I learned is that... and I went through a stage where all of a sudden I got really depressed, and I didn't know what it was for. I mean, I didn't know what was causing it. I went to go to see a movie. Do you remember Deer Hunter? And there was one scene where they grab Christopher Walken and one of the other person, stuck him on the table and put a gun between 'em and they played Russian Roulette and the Viet Cong would bet on who would survive, and I remember seeing the, that scene and it just unnerved me. And I remember going home, I couldn't sleep. Next day it was just really bothering me, and it bothered me so much I went to go talk to someone, and then after meeting with them, he says, "You know, your intelligence and everything else is normal, but what it is is that you're realizing" -- and it, and I realized he was right -- "you're realizing now that it's time to grow up. It's time to put all the toys away, time to become a man and be responsible." And that was a hard thing for me to do.

JG: What do you think that was, why do you think that was the case? Why was it so hard?

GF: I think, as I said, and I think with a lot of our, although I'm Yonsei, but I grew up in the Sansei generation, were very coddled by our family. You have your Issei generation, and they're the ones who are out there just... they're the, what do you call, gardeners, farmers, working really hard, saving every little bit just so their kids could have that opportunity. The opportunity to go out and get an education to be successful. They would tell their kids, they would tell the Niseis, "Don't speak Japanese. Learn English. It's the only way you're gonna get ahead." And so now the second generation Niseis do become successful, and then they have their kids and they spoil their kids. And I think I was probably one of 'em. Although we were one generation ahead, we still grew up in that era, and so all of a sudden realizing now I got to be responsible for myself was just difficult for me to handle at that time.

JG: To what extent... and it's, I'm trying to imagine as someone who doesn't know about, a lot about your business, how do you deal with the fact that people are dying, and that's, you have to attend, not only do you have to attend to those who've passed away, but you have to help others who are grieving. And as someone who is just entering into the business, how did you reconcile the fact that you were working? Because one of the things that you could take away from your story about The Deer Hunter is that, you know, death was becoming kind of a more, the reality of what it is you, you were doing for a living, was kind of hitting home. But how did you, how did you deal with, with that?

GF: I think being in that, that profession, you kinda have to enamor yourself. You have to prevent yourself from being too emotional, too emotionally involved. You have to be compassionate with the family, but yet you have to be professional. If you show your emotions, and it's happened before, but if you show your emotions, then how can you lead that family? How can you counsel that family successfully, if you're gonna get emotionally involved? And there are times that it is difficult, but I think you learn to keep your emotions out of it. One thing that, that's a little different with the Japanese is that they tend not to show emotion, so even though I'm meeting with a family who may have lost someone, generally they won't show a lot of emotion themselves, so of course, they don't show the emotion, then you don't empathize with that family as much and feel that. And so you, it's, you're much better able to counsel that family without getting involved and letting your feelings get involved. Although, there's been times, especially like after my father passed away, and I dealt with a family and it was a very, very similar situation. My father passed away quite young. He had just turned, just turned sixty and celebrated his sixtieth birthday when he passed away. He had a stroke. And so it was very difficult for me and I was wondering how would I handle it. Prior to this, I was wondering, how would I handle it if one of my parents passed away? And I thought I wouldn't want to talk anyone. Don't bother me. Don't come over. But then when he did pass away we had relatives come over, we had friends come over, and I found that, that was very relieving for me, and that really helped the healing process, to be with other people, to reminisce, to remember and to laugh. And I think laughing about things that, experiences we had with my father, or other people had with my father, really helped us to heal. And so when I saw the family had the same situation, it was sad for me, and I remember feeling it and almost tearing up, but generally I try and, and stay completely away from that.

<End Segment 8> - Copyright © 2010 Densho. All Rights Reserved.