<Begin Segment 20>

TI: Another question I had, while you were writing the book, were there things that sort of, that you learned about yourself in terms of your Japanese American heritage while writing the book? Did... yeah, were the things that... yeah, was there anything there?

JO: Yeah, I think, I think I learned... I think I learned about, more about where my mother is coming from. It made me understand her better just in terms of parenting style and you think a lot of Japanese American parents are very critical of their children, you never praised your child in front of somebody else, and I always just thought that was my mom, and she was never happy with me. But it turns out that she's all Japanese American moms, supposedly. So I think I learned culturally a little bit more about, just about some of the norms, behavioral norms.

And then, well, even, I mean, even talking this morning about calling up room service, 'cause my breakfast didn't arrive for the longest time and I just sort of sat back and I waited and I thought, "Well, maybe they're just late, they didn't tell me how long it was supposed to take," and whereas Russell takes three minutes and is immediately on the phone. I just kept on waiting and then I was sort of amazed even, well the guy said, "Well, we forgot to write down the number," and I didn't scream at him. I don't know if that's Japanese or if it's just me, but... and yet, and yet, you know, my -- this is slightly off the topic -- but my mother, she's not... my mother is pretty feisty, and so is my grandmother. I mean, they're not, they're not typically demure women and there's, I think, a vein of anger that just, that runs through the family. So, and in a way, I know what Japanese is just from growing up with a Japanese father. I know about that reserve and that concern with appearances and all that. But, I mean, I myself feel pretty American, but then there are moments when I realize that actually, I'm not as American as I think, you know, like this morning with the room service.

TI: Well, that's interesting. So you would, you would put sort of being more aggressive as an American characteristic.

JO: I would, and... or maybe it's just a more New York characteristic. [Laughs] I've been out there for seventeen years. And, you know, I can be pushy when I need to be, but, and yet my mother, I think because she had to interact more with the general culture than my father did, he just went to work and he brought home the paycheck and he provided for the family, but Mom was American whereas Dad was always a foreigner. And I remember my best friend, the first time... I think I was staying with her family in London and my father called. And her father answered the phone and almost hung up. I mean, just that my father had such a heavy Japanese accent and they were like, "Who is this man?" almost though it was a joke. And I forget that my father has a heavy Japanese accent, 'cause I grew up hearing him talk and he just talked like Dad. But my, my mother had to be more aggressive because she was out there and had to make sure her kids got into the right classes, just because she was out there interacting more, whereas my father wasn't as much. But, and I do speak up, but sometimes it's... actually, sometimes I feel like I'm, like I'm too hot to get offended, or too quick to get offended. Like sometimes I'll just easily -- and I'll think, "What's that about?"

TI: And usually is it around, sort of, racial issues? Or when you say you're offended -- or what, what are your hot buttons?

JO: No. Well, it'll just be something stupid like I'll be in an elevator and I remember once the man said it was rude to hold the door open for the next people who were coming into the elevator -- this is in New York. And I said, "No, actually, it's rude to close the elevator and to go quickly before they come," and we just got into this screaming fight on the elevator. And... or at the cafe one day, a woman, she didn't want me to sit in a certain seat. And I said, "Look, I have every right to sit in that seat." There was a black cat on the seat which I didn't see, and, "I didn't know there was a cat on the seat," and yet I think that human trumps cat in a cafe. And so we ended up getting in a fight. And so I think, I don't know what, or sometimes I think I'm very territorial also. If I feel like someone's not sharing the space correctly, like at a table at the cafe, if they're taking up too much space, I'll just put my stuff over theirs. So I don't know where that comes from -- I mean, maybe, well, the Japanese are very territorial, right? [Laughs] We know that. But so I, I don't know. It's hard to know where things come from. But sometimes it will just, a flash of anger will just come out, and yet it takes me like an hour to call room service and I don't get mad. So it's hard. I don't really know where things come from and what's Japanese and what isn't.

<End Segment 20> - Copyright © 2005 Densho. All Rights Reserved.