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AI: Well, I was, wanted to go back to what you had said about your father also, and his outlook on wanting the best for you and your sister. And wondering if you could tell a little bit more about, about him and his, some of his values, some of the things that he passed on to you, some of his expectations, and if there were things, including things from his own background and culture, that he really tried to pass on to you that -- and I'll ask the same about your mother as well, but...

PJ: Yeah. Well, he really didn't have any money. I mean, his family was very -- my mother's family was fairly well-do-do, comparatively speaking, my father's family wasn't. And so I think my father grew up with this terrible fear of not having money. And so, as a result, he had an incredibly strong work ethic, and I think many people do in our countries, very strong work ethic. And so we were always taught, you work hard, and I always look around today and I see parents helping their kids with homework and stuff. We never, I mean, we were just, it was just expected. You did your homework, you didn't get reminded to do it, we did all of our college applications on our own. And so it was just, you were, that was what was expected. And that we also knew that he had sacrificed a lot for us, that was always a very clear strand through everything. And so there was this huge responsibility, I think, that he sort of conveyed to us. I think he also... he did very well for himself, but he also has a lot of insecurities, my father does. And so I don't know exactly why this translated this way, but he always felt we could do anything. He literally, he's always talked about not -- being very glad that he didn't have boys, which is really interesting 'cause a lot of people in India, you know, want boys. And he says, "I wouldn't have known what to do with boys. But girls, they work hard, and they're good, and they look after their families." And so there were all those things that went with it, but he never ever, ever felt that we were limited in any way by being girls. And that was very, I mean, that came through very clearly. He always wanted us to be well-off, he always wanted us to not have to worry about money. And so I think he was, it was very difficult for him as I chose different paths than he would have chosen for himself, and it still is today. Because for him, that's what you worked for, is so that you could get comfortable and have a comfortable life and educate your kids well and have all the things that you want. I think those are the probably the main things that he, that he imparted to us. Mostly around the work ethic, and being able to do anything we wanted, wanted to do.

AI: That is really interesting to hear, very interesting.

PJ: Yeah, he's... yeah. It is interesting, because he is not, I would not call him a feminist in the least. And in fact, there's a lot in his and my mother's relationship that has been very difficult for me. And so there's a real discrepancy, again, it's just like my grandfather in a way, real discrepancy between what was right for them and their relationships, or even their view of the world, and what was, what they thought about their kids. Or their grandkids, in my grandfather's experience.

AI: And what about your mother? What kinds of things did she try to pass on to you?

PJ: My mother is one of the most compassionate people in the world, and next to her I always feel heartless, because she, she is just... she's got friends that she's maintained for forty years, she is, she's just one of those people that everybody loves to talk to. And young, old, I mean, she's got friends who are twelve years old, and friends who are twenty years old. I remember all the twenty-year-olds would come and say, "Oh, you're so lucky she's your mother." And I was like, "Really?" [Laughs] "I can't talk to her, how come you can?" But I've always been very close to my mother, and so I think with my mother, it's the curiosity. You know, she was a very curious person. She always was interested in other countries, and history and kind of the intellectual side of things. My father is not, he's bored by, kind of, conversation. He's not a very political person, he doesn't have a strong ability to kind of have a political analysis of the world, and as I've grown older, that's become more and more important, and created more and more of a distance, actually. Whereas my grandfather and my mother are very interested in politics. My grandfather in particular, but, passed it on in some degree to my mother. Very good writer, I think my love of the language and my love of writing all came from her. So I think a lot of the sort of softer, softer side is from my mother.

<End Segment 10> - Copyright © 2004 Densho. All Rights Reserved.